This Is How The World Goes Round..

Delete. Goodbye. Finally no more u.

calleighlaine — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 02:37:50 +0000

Today I’ve decided. This blog will be deleted. It is all about u. I have already let u go. So I’m letting this blog go as well. These 2 years have been a burden. But I’m dropping it off now.

Thought.

calleighlaine — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 15:48:05 +0000

I thought you’ll feel proud having someone love you. Then yet again,you don’t see it that way.

These days.

calleighlaine — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 12:27:35 +0000

What’s been happening these days? Well,training. It’s not easy but it’s fun somehow. Keep my mind off things. I’ll even be too tired to eat. Today’s my second off day and got a few things.

I got this for my Christmas present from Mom & Dad.

I’m okay nowadays, i think. It’s a new year and I’m stuck back there. For so long. But I’m better. No more crying. No more sleepless night. Just a broken heart. Waiting for a remedy to mend it.

I still miss you.

26.11.2011

calleighlaine — Sat, 26 Nov 2011 16:14:03 +0000

It’s so hard not thinking of you for even a day . Call me obsessive,call me anything you want. I’m surely not like that song Mariah Carey sang.

I’ve thought about so much before anything happened . I thought I’m was ok. And that I’ve moved on even when I still miss you. I’ve gone through countless of mess . When it happens, I could only think of you. What would you do, if you were in the same situation? What would you want someone or anyone to say to you to make you feel better?

I have learnt how to get angry . Not to hide my feelings. I have grown to not care about other people . I have grown to put up a wall in front of me , just so that no one can hurt me anymore. But why is it,whenever it comes to you I break that wall down?

I missed you more today than I have ever had in months. Why is today so difficult I go by than other days ?

No matter, I hope you’re good and safe. Healthy and sound . Most of all, I hope you’re happy. Don’t get too worked up. Don’t keep ur feelings to yourself if you need to pour it out. Talk about it. Tell someone.

I miss you more everyday,kiddo.

Lost.Confused.

calleighlaine — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 14:16:36 +0000

I remembered when things used to be awesome. The love life, the friends and the goin’ out and all. Now it’s all just a blur. The feeling of having nothing all of a sudden is so..weird. And after so long, i’m emotional again. The love life sucks. Not to mention that I don’t even have one, the friends are all dispersed. All different courses. Best friend’s in Beijing. The goin’ out just lessened alot.

I miss the old days. I miss the old me. Always happy. Having fun. I am grateful, but in some ways i’m just not happy. I’m lost, and confused. I kept on wondering what I missed out. ‘I kept on asking myself, why hang on to the past?’. I wanna shop with the girls,eat and drink with the boys, study with my friends. I’ve nearly lost them all now.

I blame myself. Not being good enough,I guess. or not attentive enough. Or just plain, not ‘ buddy’ material. I dunno. I guess, it’s just me and me only now.

06.11.11

calleighlaine — Sun, 06 Nov 2011 13:45:54 +0000

I’m glad you’re happy now. I’m so proud of your accomplishments. I wish I was there to hug you, and whisper ‘ I’m so proud of you.’ But I can’t. I’m not allowed. It’s been so long and I have come back to missing you. Even after the fights and the assumptions and blame.

I’ve been into a lot of trouble. With friends, with people i don’t really know.. I guess i’m just stupid. I guess, I just want the kind of attention that i could never get from you. Yet again,i’m blaming myself.

My friends told me to talk to you. Formally apologize. But i’m guessing that i’m not worth it anyway. Since, i’ve been hot and cold towards you not to mention ‘psychotic’ . But, i’m somewhat happy now. Kinda.

It’s been so long

calleighlaine — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 09:41:26 +0000

It’s been so long since I wrote in here. The last time was when it was bad. Now i’m just plain numb. I got so hurt so many times after the last time and now I’m doing things I’m not proud of just to feel good. I’m losing my mind. I still have you on my mind sometimes. Plus the fact that so many things happened. I feel so alone. I feel left out. I feel like i don’t belong anymore.

I’m alone. I need help.

hello.back.

calleighlaine — Mon, 27 Jun 2011 19:49:27 +0000

wow. it’s been so long since i’ve posted in here. oh well, thing’s changed.

i’ve been through loads of bad things from the last time i posted in here.

oh well. Karma.

Jackass!

calleighlaine — Thu, 30 Dec 2010 02:00:58 +0000

Yeah. I’m so hurt.

The fact that she could post up that she
watched a movie with you on your fb, and I can’t, makes me feel
like eating her up. Dammit! Whatthefuck! That means I should have
posted up everything we did the last time on fb too. Now that would
be interesting wouldn’t it? I think it should. Let’s see how many
people would like the statuses it how many comments it would get?
Right? Sounds like bloody fun. You are like every other genuine
jackass I’ve met. JEEZ! And I thought you were different. However
all of these sounds childish.

Why should I spend time on all of
these? On summone i regretted spending time on. Fuck that! I
thought you really liked me for who I am. But, I’m guessing, you
just liked the thrill,dating someone you shouldn’t. Telling me
that, “oh,i’ve thought of the consequences and complications”.
Bullfuckingshit. Just like every other playboy in the state. Taking
girls to movies, bringing them out for tea, giving them gifts like
Elmo,walking them to their cars,sit by 7-11 for ice-cream and sit
on the bench during a rainy day,”trying to block the wind”,it
seems. Get them to tell you bout their lives and how bad they
were,sure you were there to listen. Sure you were. Great. You were
just there to suck the lives out. Knowing that they were attracted
to you.

And I thought you were the nicest guy there was. Charming
and caring and shit. But jolly well I just found out so late. Damn!
I think you’ve done it alot,haven’t you? Good practice,boy.
Aceeee!!

So yeah, tell me why shouldn’t I hurt you after you’ve
hurt me so bad. When, I thought I gave you enough and love and all
that. But I guess fuck that right? Awesome-ness.!

*sigh* I’m guessing I am just that lucky. Thinking you’re a nice guy. Me being naive. I should have thought that,why would someone like me,be able
to get someone like you. To date someone like you. And fall head
over heels for you. And cared. No wonder it was only for 3 weeks.
You were just playing! Sure you were happy, not because I was there
for you,it was cause you fucked me up good. Screwed with my
feelings and see me cry. Fun fun fun!!! Good job!

So yeah,I should hurt you back! Why didn’t I think of that?

Damn.

calleighlaine — Mon, 20 Dec 2010 16:25:26 +0000

Damn I miss you. My tears are flowing.

Love you.

I remember the first time you hug me on that rooftop.